Whoa-wa wee-wah.
Two weeks, two races! What a time to be alive formule-un-loveeeeeers.
We are in the Principality of Monaco this week, a small sovereign city-state, well known for its low-taxes, a philandering prince, and having been founded by the House Grimaldi (i.e. the royal family that Blair Waldorf almost married into lol).
What will the famed street circuit of Monaco have in store for us?
It’s an open question how well this year’s cars will deal with the tight track. Not least because the cars are bigger and heavier, but also because the suspension system this year is much simpler – appaza this means that the cars are going to be less good at jumping the kerbs. A critical skill at Monaco. Eeeep. Sorry, that got a little technical there for a minny. But, in short, put your money on a Latifi crash. Even more than normal.
Of course, in terms of the actual racing itself, it could be a bit yawn. But lezbehonestwivourselves yeah? We don’t watch the Monaco GP for the racing. We watch it for the glamour, darling! And also for a completely unhinged Martin Brundle grid walk, where he meekly seeks to interview a Kardashian he’s never heard of, inevitably gets turned down, and then replies with a retort that fucking slaps.
Here are some other reasons why we love F1:
The titillating feeling you get when you hear Crofty fervently shout “lights out, and away we go” – some say its better than sex, and is responsible for more than 1m orgasms worldwide
The genuine feats of engineering (what the fuck is ground effect aerodynamics?)
The smug moment you have when you recognise that a pitstop just went a little bit over 3 seconds and you say “slow stop” one millisecond before the commentators do
And of course the peak pettiness of the team principals (I’ll eat my hat if it wasn’t Christian Horner himself who masterminded the green red bull prank last week)
Thank you to our fans who wrote in this week with some frequently asked questions (yeah, FAQs, that’s right)
Can Danny “down-in-the-dumps” Ricciardo recover from a seriously poor performance in Barthelona, or is the boy from WA cooked once and for all, and this will be his Monaco swansong?
I spilt some mango and coriander salsa on my cashmere sweater vest while watching last week’s race – any tips on how to remove stubborn stains from a prized possession?
Is current f1natic league leader, Andrew ‘Bathy’ Bath, actually good at this shit or is the dude just tipping out of his ass?
Stay tuned to find out answers to these questions, and a whole lot more!!